It has been one-year since I got the restraining order and had Tracy removed.
Last week I started having nightmares again. I dreamed that Tracy was standing over me with a knife trying to kill me. Then I dreamed that I was holding a child and Tracy was chasing me and trying to kill us both. I could not figure out why the nightmares started up again. Then it hit me. I checked my calendar and sure enough it was one year to the day when Tracy was threatening me. It is really amazing how the mind works.
This week is the week I served the restraining order and had her removed from the house. I have been having a hard time concentrating. I am eating junk food like crazy. I can't work. I am really tired. I don't think I am sleeping well.
Just when I think this is over, it isn't over. I am a mess all over again. This weekend I had moments when I could not breath. I found myself double checking locks and putting on the alarm when it is still light out. All unreasonable considering Tracy lives thousands of miles away. But you can't tell my irrational self.
I know it is a process. I know it will take time. I just want it to happen quicker. I want her to be a thing of the past. Like a memory of a bad meal you had at a restaurant. Or the night you had food poisoning. Bad things that fade with time.
more to come...
Showing posts with label restraining order. Show all posts
Showing posts with label restraining order. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
MAKES ME LOSE MY BREATH AND SHAKE LIKE A LEAF
It has been a while. I have been working very hard to get my life back on track.
- The nightmares and night frights have decreased. I am still unable to enter a dark room or take a shower without being in fear. I can't be in the house without the alarm on at night. I am thankful I have two dogs.
- I have been moving things around in the house. I took down all the photos and memorabilia of the two of us. I have the frames laying on a bar and I have to take them out of the frames. Baby steps. It is hard to see the two of us together and smiling. It is hard to explain it to people. I am not sad about us not being together. I am sad that it ended the way it did. I am angry that I am left this way. I am furious that I am having to go through domestic violence. I moved my office into the room that she used to watch HOURS of TV. I got rid of the couch that she spent HOURS on. It is now my office. I made my office into a guest room and I bought all new furniture. I bought myself a new mattress that arrives in two days.
- I took some pictures to be framed. I wanted to put up pictures/art that reflects me. It is making me smile. I bought a map of the world and had it mounted and framed. I took out the glass and now I can put in pins on the places I want to visit. Fun!
- I planned trips. I already went to Oregon. Next I go to Vegas were I am going to meet my siblings. Then I am going to Florida in a few months. In Florida I am going to Disney World, I am going to see two friends and two relatives.
- I put up security cameras and they broke and now I bought new cameras. I have to put them up this weekend. I like having the cameras even though they go against my privacy concerns. I need to feel safe.
- I have been working on fixing the things in the house that need to be fixed. I could not have workers in the home with Tracy so now I have to fix one thing after another. Little by little.
- I bought some clothes that fit. I have been wearing clothes that are too big for a while now. I lost a bunch of weight in the last year due to a change in diet. Now my clothes hang on me. I finally went and bought some clothes that make me look good!
I have run into Tracy. I found out she is living one block away. I was walking down the street and Tracy was walking up the block and saw me. She didn't veer away, she just walked right by me. I could have reached out and touched her. She just glared at me. The same "if looks could kill" look that she gave me in court. A neighbor had mentioned that she lost some weight. I was shocked when I saw her. Well, not really shocked but surprised. Either she is not eating or she is using drugs again. She looks like she dropped 40 pounds since June. I have seen her other times like when I am in my car I see her walking and she glares at me. It still makes me lose my breath and shake like a leaf. I just want to run and lock myself in my house.
I report it to the police each time she violates the restraining order. I went to the DA to try and get them to do something about it. The DA will not press charges. Even after she walked by me on the street and called the house.
My frustration with the system is beyond. I can't begin to tell you.
I am trying to move in a direction where I become an activist and try to help change the system. It just takes one person to make change. Isn't that what they say? I could be that one person.
more to come...
Monday, September 21, 2015
INSPECTOR FROM SVU
Today I get a phone call from an inspector from the SVU department. She tells me that I have two choices a) do nothing and the report goes to the court and the judge sees it and b) I go down to SVU and the DA and make another report. The DA then makes a determination if he wants to arrest her. I told the inspector I wanted to wait until after Tracy picks up her stuff on Friday. The inspector says if Tracy comes to the house and picks up her stuff, even if I am not there, I will be putting the restraining order in jeopardy.
I got all upset. But it states in the restraining order that she is supposed to come and pick up her stuff. I called my attorney, some friends. I was a bloody mess. Crying every where and for no reason.
Then I get a phone call from a Domestic Violence Advocate. Out of the blue. Well, not out of the blue, I guess the SVU Inspector gave her my number. Funny that five months after I got my original TRO I finally get a call from a domestic violence advocate. Of course I balled on the phone to her too. I said I was a mess this week. I swear if there was a Hallmark ad on TV I would have cried at that too.
more to come...
I got all upset. But it states in the restraining order that she is supposed to come and pick up her stuff. I called my attorney, some friends. I was a bloody mess. Crying every where and for no reason.
Then I get a phone call from a Domestic Violence Advocate. Out of the blue. Well, not out of the blue, I guess the SVU Inspector gave her my number. Funny that five months after I got my original TRO I finally get a call from a domestic violence advocate. Of course I balled on the phone to her too. I said I was a mess this week. I swear if there was a Hallmark ad on TV I would have cried at that too.
more to come...
Friday, September 18, 2015
FALLOUT FROM THE PHONE CALL
After Tracy called I called my attorney. She said to call the police and make a report. Then my step mother called and said yet again Tracy called her to ask her to call me. These are both against the restraining order rules. It was clear I would have to report this to the police.
On my way to work, I called and sat on hold for 20 minutes. I gave up. Later on I called again and got through. The lady told me I needed to go into the precinct to make a report. On my way home I dropped by the precinct. They told me it would take hours to have an officer free to take a report. They said it would be better for me to go home and have an officer come to my house. I went home and called to have an officer come to my home to make a report. I called at 6-6:30 pm. At 2:30 am my doorbell rang. It was the officers coming by to take the report. I was in my PJs.
They listened to the recording (I forgot to say that Tracy left a voicemail on my machine before I picked up the phone) and listened to my story and dates and times of the phone calls. They told me this report would go to the DA and the court. Then they left.
more to come...
On my way to work, I called and sat on hold for 20 minutes. I gave up. Later on I called again and got through. The lady told me I needed to go into the precinct to make a report. On my way home I dropped by the precinct. They told me it would take hours to have an officer free to take a report. They said it would be better for me to go home and have an officer come to my house. I went home and called to have an officer come to my home to make a report. I called at 6-6:30 pm. At 2:30 am my doorbell rang. It was the officers coming by to take the report. I was in my PJs.
They listened to the recording (I forgot to say that Tracy left a voicemail on my machine before I picked up the phone) and listened to my story and dates and times of the phone calls. They told me this report would go to the DA and the court. Then they left.
more to come...
Thursday, August 6, 2015
VISIT TO THE SVU POLICE
I decided I wanted to talk to someone at the police department. I contacted the Chief of Police and he passed me off to the Interim Captain of the Special Victims Unit. He was very nice. He was interested why there were no domestic violence calls to the police department from my home. I explained to him that I was warned by some ex-police and ex-FBI that the police would not be able to do anything if I called them and that would potentially anger Tracy further. I never called the police because I didn't want to anger Tracy any more than necessary.
I made an appointment with Capt. SVU. When we met, he was very nice. I told him that he could not understand what I went through unless he went through it. In fact I did not understand until I went through it. He then explained that he went through a horrible divorce with a restraining order so he understood. I was quite upset when he tried to equate my domestic violence situation with his bad divorce. Now I know people have bad divorces. Some are horrible with the parties claiming all sorts of stuff. But no matter what he went through, it was not the same thing as the extreme psychological and emotional abuse I went through being trapped in my own home. Not to mention, I doubt any cop feels terrified when they carry a gun. They have the power. They are not worried they are going to be stabbed at any time. They are not worried that their partner is going to meet them at the door with a weapon. Maybe they are worried that their partner is going to hurt them in their sleep but they at least have a weapon and training. I had nothing. If Tracy had decided to hurt me, she outweighed me and could out maneuver me. She had the upper hand. I was at a complete disadvantage.
After that part of the conversation, I began to tell him my concerns. How the cops who came to my home to help me get my stuff on the day the Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) was served told me I was violating the restraining order because I lived in the house after the TRO was granted but had not been served. I told him that was ridiculous. If I told Tracy that I had a TRO that was granted but had not been served she would have gone ballistic. What was I supposed to do? Move out? I think Tracy would have noticed I was gone for three days.
Then the cops didn't check the whole house and I found out when I came back that Tracy had been in the house the whole time. That is scary to me. I had already told them she was aggressive to the process server. Knowing this didn't make me feel safe. What if she had come upstairs while I was in the house?
The cops who came to remove Tracy from the home never gave me a list of services. So when my Plan A fell through I had no Plan B. Where was I going to go? What was I going to do? I was in my car with two dogs crying. If I had a list of services I could have called someone to help me.
The cops told me to go to three different locations to get a police report that took days and I almost didn't get my police report on time for court.
I also had good experiences. The two cops that removed Tracy were fantastic. They must have had special training. They were so patient.
The deputy in the court house escorted my attorney and I out of the court house so Tracy could calm down while we left. That was a good call.
Capt. SVU took notes but my feeling was that he was not interested in doing anything about it. I told him that I was interested in helping the police department in making it a better system. What can I do? He gave me some useless information and sent me on my way.
I am going to find another way. He didn't get it. How could be in charge of SVU?
more to come...
I made an appointment with Capt. SVU. When we met, he was very nice. I told him that he could not understand what I went through unless he went through it. In fact I did not understand until I went through it. He then explained that he went through a horrible divorce with a restraining order so he understood. I was quite upset when he tried to equate my domestic violence situation with his bad divorce. Now I know people have bad divorces. Some are horrible with the parties claiming all sorts of stuff. But no matter what he went through, it was not the same thing as the extreme psychological and emotional abuse I went through being trapped in my own home. Not to mention, I doubt any cop feels terrified when they carry a gun. They have the power. They are not worried they are going to be stabbed at any time. They are not worried that their partner is going to meet them at the door with a weapon. Maybe they are worried that their partner is going to hurt them in their sleep but they at least have a weapon and training. I had nothing. If Tracy had decided to hurt me, she outweighed me and could out maneuver me. She had the upper hand. I was at a complete disadvantage.
After that part of the conversation, I began to tell him my concerns. How the cops who came to my home to help me get my stuff on the day the Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) was served told me I was violating the restraining order because I lived in the house after the TRO was granted but had not been served. I told him that was ridiculous. If I told Tracy that I had a TRO that was granted but had not been served she would have gone ballistic. What was I supposed to do? Move out? I think Tracy would have noticed I was gone for three days.
Then the cops didn't check the whole house and I found out when I came back that Tracy had been in the house the whole time. That is scary to me. I had already told them she was aggressive to the process server. Knowing this didn't make me feel safe. What if she had come upstairs while I was in the house?
The cops who came to remove Tracy from the home never gave me a list of services. So when my Plan A fell through I had no Plan B. Where was I going to go? What was I going to do? I was in my car with two dogs crying. If I had a list of services I could have called someone to help me.
The cops told me to go to three different locations to get a police report that took days and I almost didn't get my police report on time for court.
I also had good experiences. The two cops that removed Tracy were fantastic. They must have had special training. They were so patient.
The deputy in the court house escorted my attorney and I out of the court house so Tracy could calm down while we left. That was a good call.
Capt. SVU took notes but my feeling was that he was not interested in doing anything about it. I told him that I was interested in helping the police department in making it a better system. What can I do? He gave me some useless information and sent me on my way.
I am going to find another way. He didn't get it. How could be in charge of SVU?
more to come...
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
MORE VIOLATIONS OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER
Today I came out of the house to walk the dogs and I found a big surprise. In 2011 when we had the concrete replaced in front of the house, Tracy and I carved our initials and the date in the concrete. Today my initials were painted over. Tracy's initials were still there and so was the date. Who do you think did that? Yesterday my initials were there.
That means that Tracy was in front of the house, violating the restraining order. Or some random person covered my initials. I called the police and they came over to make a report. They convinced me to get security cameras in the windows. They told me that painting over my initials and violating the restraining order is an act of serious anger. Tracy has nothing to lose so she is willing to risk going to jail.
Then I find out that Tracy called my step-mother to ask her to talk to me and ask me not to throw away her stuff. Another violation of the restraining order. Tracy is not allowed to contact any friends or family to have them contact me on her behalf. I am also not allowed to contact her family to contact her. We are supposed to be leaving each other alone. She is only supposed to be talking to my attorney.
I have one family member who keeps offering to help by calling Tracy's family and getting them to contact Tracy to help her to get her boxes out of the house. I appreciate the help but she is going to get me in trouble by being so helpful. I don't want to go to jail for violating the restraining order.
It is all so stressful. I just want this over. She needs to move on. I need to move on. I need the boxes gone. I need to be able to reorganize when the boxes are gone. I need a vacation. I need something. Less stress.
more to come...
That means that Tracy was in front of the house, violating the restraining order. Or some random person covered my initials. I called the police and they came over to make a report. They convinced me to get security cameras in the windows. They told me that painting over my initials and violating the restraining order is an act of serious anger. Tracy has nothing to lose so she is willing to risk going to jail.
Then I find out that Tracy called my step-mother to ask her to talk to me and ask me not to throw away her stuff. Another violation of the restraining order. Tracy is not allowed to contact any friends or family to have them contact me on her behalf. I am also not allowed to contact her family to contact her. We are supposed to be leaving each other alone. She is only supposed to be talking to my attorney.
I have one family member who keeps offering to help by calling Tracy's family and getting them to contact Tracy to help her to get her boxes out of the house. I appreciate the help but she is going to get me in trouble by being so helpful. I don't want to go to jail for violating the restraining order.
It is all so stressful. I just want this over. She needs to move on. I need to move on. I need the boxes gone. I need to be able to reorganize when the boxes are gone. I need a vacation. I need something. Less stress.
more to come...
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
COURT DATE
The day before court I had a phone call with my attorney to go over what it would be like to go to court. She took me through the steps, where to meet, what time to be there, what to wear, and what to bring. I was ready.
The night before court, I barely slept. I kept going over the run in with Tracy. How could she come at me like that? How could she violate the restraining order that way? What was she thinking? I was so scared. I was so traumatized. I had to calm the dogs down, I had to calm me down.
The morning of court, I got up early and got ready. I took the dogs for a long walk because I didn't know how long I would be away. I took a cab down to the court house. I got there SO early. I ended up walking around the block for about 20 minutes. Then I saw her. Tracy was walking to the court house right toward me. I began to get a panic attack. I found a port-a-potty and ducked behind it. I don't think she saw me since she walked right by. I spent the next few minutes deep breathing and waiting for my attorney to come by. After 15 minutes I decided to go into the court house and wait for my attorney there. I went up to the 3rd floor and saw Tracy waiting outside the court room so I waited down the hall. My attorney showed up 5 minutes later. We sat and talked about what was going to happen and other things so I could calm down.
It was time to go in the court room. We went in and Tracy was sitting on the wrong side so we sat on the other side. She was sitting in the very back row and we had to sit in the front of our side. I could see her staring at me the whole time. Finally we got in front of the judge. Tracy was not represented by an attorney. She did not go to the restraining order clinic the city provides. She was very unprepared. After a few statements by my attorney and a few questions of me, the judge turned to Tracy. I had told my story of how Tracy confronted me the night before yelling at me and coming closer to me. The judge asked Tracy if this was true. She said yes. The judge asked Tracy if she had read the Temporary Restraining Order papers. Tracy said she had not. The judge was quite upset by this and proceeded to read the papers to her word for word like a child. She explained that Tracy could not come withing 100 yards of me or the house or the pets. She can't yell at me or talk to me or contact me. She can't follow me. Tracy then tried to argue with the judge about certain points like having to go to work within 100 yards of my home and how I should have to walk another way if I see her. The judge then told her that if Tracy saw me, she had to walk another direction. I didn't have to walk another direction.
I was then asked how long I wanted the permanent restraining order, I said I wanted 2 years. I could have asked for more but I thought by 2 years she would have moved on. The 2 year permanent restraining order was granted easily after Tracy's resistance to follow the rules. The deputy came and whispered in my ear that I needed to go sit down and wait for the paperwork and a deputy would escort me and my attorney out of the building. I didn't see him do that for any other person.
We went and sat down. I was not able to see Tracy this time but my attorney was. She told me that Tracy was glaring at me the whole time. We received the signed papers from the judge and a deputy escorted us all the way out of the building. They held Tracy until we were gone. We quickly walked a few blocks. We talked for a few minutes and I caught a cab home. It was good it was over but it was quite stressful. I have to carry the restraining order papers everywhere I go for two years. Something tells me this process is not over.
more to come...
The night before court, I barely slept. I kept going over the run in with Tracy. How could she come at me like that? How could she violate the restraining order that way? What was she thinking? I was so scared. I was so traumatized. I had to calm the dogs down, I had to calm me down.
The morning of court, I got up early and got ready. I took the dogs for a long walk because I didn't know how long I would be away. I took a cab down to the court house. I got there SO early. I ended up walking around the block for about 20 minutes. Then I saw her. Tracy was walking to the court house right toward me. I began to get a panic attack. I found a port-a-potty and ducked behind it. I don't think she saw me since she walked right by. I spent the next few minutes deep breathing and waiting for my attorney to come by. After 15 minutes I decided to go into the court house and wait for my attorney there. I went up to the 3rd floor and saw Tracy waiting outside the court room so I waited down the hall. My attorney showed up 5 minutes later. We sat and talked about what was going to happen and other things so I could calm down.
It was time to go in the court room. We went in and Tracy was sitting on the wrong side so we sat on the other side. She was sitting in the very back row and we had to sit in the front of our side. I could see her staring at me the whole time. Finally we got in front of the judge. Tracy was not represented by an attorney. She did not go to the restraining order clinic the city provides. She was very unprepared. After a few statements by my attorney and a few questions of me, the judge turned to Tracy. I had told my story of how Tracy confronted me the night before yelling at me and coming closer to me. The judge asked Tracy if this was true. She said yes. The judge asked Tracy if she had read the Temporary Restraining Order papers. Tracy said she had not. The judge was quite upset by this and proceeded to read the papers to her word for word like a child. She explained that Tracy could not come withing 100 yards of me or the house or the pets. She can't yell at me or talk to me or contact me. She can't follow me. Tracy then tried to argue with the judge about certain points like having to go to work within 100 yards of my home and how I should have to walk another way if I see her. The judge then told her that if Tracy saw me, she had to walk another direction. I didn't have to walk another direction.
I was then asked how long I wanted the permanent restraining order, I said I wanted 2 years. I could have asked for more but I thought by 2 years she would have moved on. The 2 year permanent restraining order was granted easily after Tracy's resistance to follow the rules. The deputy came and whispered in my ear that I needed to go sit down and wait for the paperwork and a deputy would escort me and my attorney out of the building. I didn't see him do that for any other person.
We went and sat down. I was not able to see Tracy this time but my attorney was. She told me that Tracy was glaring at me the whole time. We received the signed papers from the judge and a deputy escorted us all the way out of the building. They held Tracy until we were gone. We quickly walked a few blocks. We talked for a few minutes and I caught a cab home. It was good it was over but it was quite stressful. I have to carry the restraining order papers everywhere I go for two years. Something tells me this process is not over.
more to come...
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
COURT DATE WEEK
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind. I get the TRO, Tracy is escorted out of the house, I get back in, days later I have a full weekend mediation training, and the next weekend I spend the whole weekend packing Tracy's belongings. Barely a chance to breathe.
This week I got a chance to see the movie Inside/Out with my friend Herbert. I was excited to see a funny movie. It was so cute. I liked anger!
But this week is court date week. I have to get my head around seeing Tracy after three weeks of only seeing her from a distance. I have to get my paperwork in order and that has proved to be a challenge. One piece I have to get is the police report. The responding officer told me to go to X police station to get a print out. I went there and they told me to go to Y station to get it. I went to Y station and they told me to go to Z office to get it. I was exhausted and frustrated. Who does this to a person who has just gone through a trauma? It is ridiculous. I get to Z and they tell me it will take 10 days and I have to fax in my request. I have court in 4 days. I told them I have been sent all over town. They said they could not make an exception for me. I sat in their office and cried. The morning before court I got a phone call from a very nice lady who told me the report was printed and ready for me to pick up. I cried again from relief.
The day before court I took the dogs for a walk after dinner like normal. We were going around the block when we turned the corner and there was Tracy 1/2 way down the block. She saw me and said 'Oh, shit". I saw her and immediately turned the dogs around. Or at least tried to. Poor Bubba wanted to go to her and would not turn around. I had to practically pull her around the corner. Tracy started yelling at me. Telling me I ruined her life and broke her heart. Screaming up the street. Coming closer and closer. I am trying to get the dogs to move up the street but you know dogs, they never go where you want them to go. Tracy is completely oblivious to the dogs wanting her. Meanwhile I am trying to get out my phone to call the police since she is violating the restraining order. I tell her that she is violating the restraining order and that she needs to be 100 yards away from me. She says she is going to work and I can't stop her from going where she wants to go. I tell her again that she needs to stay 100 yards away or I will call the police. I turn to deal with the dogs and she is gone.
I take a breath and call my attorney. She tells me that I need to call the police and make a report even if Tracy is gone. Each report will add up if she violates too many times. I call the police and make a report. The dispatcher tells me to go home and if I see Tracy again, to call back immediately and they will send a police car immediately. I took the dogs around another way and then back home. That night I had a panic attack. Tomorrow is court day.
more to come...
This week I got a chance to see the movie Inside/Out with my friend Herbert. I was excited to see a funny movie. It was so cute. I liked anger!
But this week is court date week. I have to get my head around seeing Tracy after three weeks of only seeing her from a distance. I have to get my paperwork in order and that has proved to be a challenge. One piece I have to get is the police report. The responding officer told me to go to X police station to get a print out. I went there and they told me to go to Y station to get it. I went to Y station and they told me to go to Z office to get it. I was exhausted and frustrated. Who does this to a person who has just gone through a trauma? It is ridiculous. I get to Z and they tell me it will take 10 days and I have to fax in my request. I have court in 4 days. I told them I have been sent all over town. They said they could not make an exception for me. I sat in their office and cried. The morning before court I got a phone call from a very nice lady who told me the report was printed and ready for me to pick up. I cried again from relief.
The day before court I took the dogs for a walk after dinner like normal. We were going around the block when we turned the corner and there was Tracy 1/2 way down the block. She saw me and said 'Oh, shit". I saw her and immediately turned the dogs around. Or at least tried to. Poor Bubba wanted to go to her and would not turn around. I had to practically pull her around the corner. Tracy started yelling at me. Telling me I ruined her life and broke her heart. Screaming up the street. Coming closer and closer. I am trying to get the dogs to move up the street but you know dogs, they never go where you want them to go. Tracy is completely oblivious to the dogs wanting her. Meanwhile I am trying to get out my phone to call the police since she is violating the restraining order. I tell her that she is violating the restraining order and that she needs to be 100 yards away from me. She says she is going to work and I can't stop her from going where she wants to go. I tell her again that she needs to stay 100 yards away or I will call the police. I turn to deal with the dogs and she is gone.
I take a breath and call my attorney. She tells me that I need to call the police and make a report even if Tracy is gone. Each report will add up if she violates too many times. I call the police and make a report. The dispatcher tells me to go home and if I see Tracy again, to call back immediately and they will send a police car immediately. I took the dogs around another way and then back home. That night I had a panic attack. Tomorrow is court day.
more to come...
Saturday, July 18, 2015
SERVING THE TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER
Monday arrived and my attorney could finally get the court papers printed off the court website. I needed the temporary restraining order (TRO) to serve Tracy. I already knew that I was not going to be able to get the sheriff's department to serve the papers. I would have to wait until Friday for the sheriff to serve the papers. I could not image living with Tracy for four more days knowing that I have the court papers.
My attorney told me she had a process server but that he was going to basically hand her the papers and run. This made me nervous. Tracy was so unstable, what if she refused to answer the door or didn't take the papers?
I decided to call a security company that a friend had told me about. I didn't know what they could do for me but it was worth a shot. I called Steve (ex-FBI agent) and he said he could help out by not just providing surveillance but he could also process serve the papers. He said he would do it but he wanted to do surveillance prior to serving the papers.He wanted a plan. He called my attorney and they set up a plan. It was wonderful to be out of the loop on the planning. To hand something over to someone was so stress free. I had been doing all the planning and stressing and controlling for so long; it was exhausting. Someone wanted to take care of me? Do it.
So my attorney and Steve and they organized the plan. We would wait until Tuesday morning. "Could you wait one more night?" What was one more night!?
The plan was that I would get a text early Tuesday morning from Steve. He would ask if Tracy was there. I already knew Tracy had to be somewhere at 8 am. If Tracy was still at the house at 7:30 am I was supposed to take the dogs for a walk on a ruse that I was going to a clients that morning.
Tuesday morning Tracy got up at 4 am and began her cleaning and talking to herself. Ranting and raving about this or that. I had my go-bag packed. When she took a walk at 5:30 am I ran downstairs and put my computer, bag with money and electronic, phone book, etc in the trunk of my car. I left my go-bag with my clothes because it was in plain view and I didn't want to tip her off. I already had all the sets of car keys, garage door openers, etc in the trunk of the car (not too safe I know) so she could not grab them. The dog sitter had dog food already so we were set there. I had extra leashes in my go bag.
At the appointed time, 7:30 am, I got the dogs ready and grabbed my handbag and went out the door. I saw Steve at the end of the block. I took the dogs a few blocks away where Tracy would not see us and waited in the chilly air. We walked, we sat, we walked, we sat. For two hours. I got a text from Steve. It was done but it didn't go well. Where are you? I met him around the block and he told me the whole story.
He and a colleague arrived. The colleague was taping the whole thing. Steve went to the door and at first she didn't answer. Then she finally did. She refused the papers by saying she was not the owner of the home. He explained the papers were for her. She said she is not taking any papers. They went back and forth. He explained that the papers were a temporary restraining order and it says she has to vacate the premises. Finally she opened the door and he served her but she dropped them on the ground. He went back to the car and she came out and started screaming at him and pounding on the car. She was in the middle of the street yelling and screaming.
He retreated in the car and that is when he texted me. He informed me that it was unsafe to go near the house since she is aggressive and unpredictable and still in the house. We called the police to come escort me into the house to get my go-bag, bird, and car. Unfortunately it was a very busy police day that day and I ended waiting for 3 more hours for the police. It took Steve calling, me calling, my neighbor who came to sit with me, calling. Finally a police officer came to the house.
I gave the police officer the papers and he read them. He then asked me when the restraining order was granted. I told him Friday but there was a problem with the website so we could not print the papers. Then we had to get a process server. He proceeded to tell me that I have been in violation of the TRO by living in the same house since the TRO was granted on Friday. I got all upset. You have got to be kidding me?! What was I supposed to do? Move out and let the cat out of the bag that I have a TRO that I can't serve for four more days? You have got to be kidding me. God knows what she could do to the house left by herself knowing that something is going on.
Then he asked me if she has any weapons, do I know if she is in the house, where would she be in the house, is she violent. After answering that no she has no weapons. I don't know if she is in the house but I am assuming she is. I don't know where she would be in the house. I didn't think she would be violent but she did act aggressively toward the process server. The officer called for back up.
Once back up showed up, we entered the house. They told me they would only clear the rooms I needed to enter. The officers did not go downstairs. I retrospect Tracy was downstairs. When I returned there was a note on the door telling me that I didn't put the alarm back on "when I was in the house with my 2 officer friends". There would be no way she would know that unless she was in the house when I was getting my stuff. I grabbed my go-bag, the bird, and some clothes. Then we went into the garage and I got my car. I had everything, I thought.
The officers asked me where I was going to go and I said I was dropping the dogs at the dog sitters and I was going to a hotel. I was exhausted and hungry. I had not eaten since last night. It was now 2 pm. I had two dogs and bird in a car. I had called the bird boarding earlier in the morning and they told me to bring the bird over whenever I got him out of the house. So I took the bird over. They were so nice.
I called my dad and he booked me a hotel. I texted the dog sitter and she told me she had an emergency and could not take the dogs. Huh? The plan was just shot to hell. My dogs don't have the bortatella shot so I can't take them to a boarding place. What am I going to do? I parked my car and started to cry. Uncontrollable crying. I had a plan. Everyone was on board with the plan. Now the plan went to shit. What am I going to do? I am hungry, exhausted, in a car with two very tired dogs who will need to eat in a few hours and I have no dog food. I have no one and nowhere to go.
more to come...
My attorney told me she had a process server but that he was going to basically hand her the papers and run. This made me nervous. Tracy was so unstable, what if she refused to answer the door or didn't take the papers?
I decided to call a security company that a friend had told me about. I didn't know what they could do for me but it was worth a shot. I called Steve (ex-FBI agent) and he said he could help out by not just providing surveillance but he could also process serve the papers. He said he would do it but he wanted to do surveillance prior to serving the papers.He wanted a plan. He called my attorney and they set up a plan. It was wonderful to be out of the loop on the planning. To hand something over to someone was so stress free. I had been doing all the planning and stressing and controlling for so long; it was exhausting. Someone wanted to take care of me? Do it.
So my attorney and Steve and they organized the plan. We would wait until Tuesday morning. "Could you wait one more night?" What was one more night!?
The plan was that I would get a text early Tuesday morning from Steve. He would ask if Tracy was there. I already knew Tracy had to be somewhere at 8 am. If Tracy was still at the house at 7:30 am I was supposed to take the dogs for a walk on a ruse that I was going to a clients that morning.
Tuesday morning Tracy got up at 4 am and began her cleaning and talking to herself. Ranting and raving about this or that. I had my go-bag packed. When she took a walk at 5:30 am I ran downstairs and put my computer, bag with money and electronic, phone book, etc in the trunk of my car. I left my go-bag with my clothes because it was in plain view and I didn't want to tip her off. I already had all the sets of car keys, garage door openers, etc in the trunk of the car (not too safe I know) so she could not grab them. The dog sitter had dog food already so we were set there. I had extra leashes in my go bag.
At the appointed time, 7:30 am, I got the dogs ready and grabbed my handbag and went out the door. I saw Steve at the end of the block. I took the dogs a few blocks away where Tracy would not see us and waited in the chilly air. We walked, we sat, we walked, we sat. For two hours. I got a text from Steve. It was done but it didn't go well. Where are you? I met him around the block and he told me the whole story.
He and a colleague arrived. The colleague was taping the whole thing. Steve went to the door and at first she didn't answer. Then she finally did. She refused the papers by saying she was not the owner of the home. He explained the papers were for her. She said she is not taking any papers. They went back and forth. He explained that the papers were a temporary restraining order and it says she has to vacate the premises. Finally she opened the door and he served her but she dropped them on the ground. He went back to the car and she came out and started screaming at him and pounding on the car. She was in the middle of the street yelling and screaming.
He retreated in the car and that is when he texted me. He informed me that it was unsafe to go near the house since she is aggressive and unpredictable and still in the house. We called the police to come escort me into the house to get my go-bag, bird, and car. Unfortunately it was a very busy police day that day and I ended waiting for 3 more hours for the police. It took Steve calling, me calling, my neighbor who came to sit with me, calling. Finally a police officer came to the house.
I gave the police officer the papers and he read them. He then asked me when the restraining order was granted. I told him Friday but there was a problem with the website so we could not print the papers. Then we had to get a process server. He proceeded to tell me that I have been in violation of the TRO by living in the same house since the TRO was granted on Friday. I got all upset. You have got to be kidding me?! What was I supposed to do? Move out and let the cat out of the bag that I have a TRO that I can't serve for four more days? You have got to be kidding me. God knows what she could do to the house left by herself knowing that something is going on.
Then he asked me if she has any weapons, do I know if she is in the house, where would she be in the house, is she violent. After answering that no she has no weapons. I don't know if she is in the house but I am assuming she is. I don't know where she would be in the house. I didn't think she would be violent but she did act aggressively toward the process server. The officer called for back up.
Once back up showed up, we entered the house. They told me they would only clear the rooms I needed to enter. The officers did not go downstairs. I retrospect Tracy was downstairs. When I returned there was a note on the door telling me that I didn't put the alarm back on "when I was in the house with my 2 officer friends". There would be no way she would know that unless she was in the house when I was getting my stuff. I grabbed my go-bag, the bird, and some clothes. Then we went into the garage and I got my car. I had everything, I thought.
The officers asked me where I was going to go and I said I was dropping the dogs at the dog sitters and I was going to a hotel. I was exhausted and hungry. I had not eaten since last night. It was now 2 pm. I had two dogs and bird in a car. I had called the bird boarding earlier in the morning and they told me to bring the bird over whenever I got him out of the house. So I took the bird over. They were so nice.
I called my dad and he booked me a hotel. I texted the dog sitter and she told me she had an emergency and could not take the dogs. Huh? The plan was just shot to hell. My dogs don't have the bortatella shot so I can't take them to a boarding place. What am I going to do? I parked my car and started to cry. Uncontrollable crying. I had a plan. Everyone was on board with the plan. Now the plan went to shit. What am I going to do? I am hungry, exhausted, in a car with two very tired dogs who will need to eat in a few hours and I have no dog food. I have no one and nowhere to go.
more to come...
Thursday, July 16, 2015
COUPLES THERAPY SESSION
The stress in the house was unbelievable. When Tracy entered the room the little dog Lulu jumped up on the bedside table in fear. I was so sleep deprived I could barely function.
Thursday was a day of waiting. Would I hear from the court? Would the temporary restraining order be granted? Or would the judge refuse my request?
Thursday evening was couples therapy. I had agreed a week and half ago to go to couples counseling and I could not back out now. It would look too suspicious. So I had to attend the session.
It was tortuous. Tracy spent the hour speaking aggressively about how she was wronged, She listed all the things I had done to her. The therapist kept trying to interrupt, I signaled to let her talk. Let her get it out. If I got the restraining order, this would be her one chance to get it all out. She went on and on for 45 minutes. Then the therapist asked what I thought about what she said. I said I already told her it was over and I didn't want to work on it if she was unwilling to get medical attention and stop yelling at me. Tracy said she didn't need medical attention and she was not yelling. She was passionate. I said then there was nothing to talk about it, it was over. Maybe some day we could be friends but not now.
Tracy left separately from me in a huff. I got home and the tension was worse than ever. She kept saying why did you go if you never intended to work on our relationship. I said I am ready to work on our relationship just not on the type of relationship that you want.
Friday was a day of waiting again. Finally at 4pm I got the text. The judge approved the temporary restraining order. Yay! There was one glitch. The city website was done and my attorney could not print out the papers. Without the papers my attorney could not have them served. If the papers could not be served on Friday afternoon, I would have to live with her another weekend. My attorney apologized but I said, what is another weekend at this point?
I spent most of the weekend to myself. I binge watched a whole season of a show. I was not feeling well on Sunday so I didn't go food shopping and basically didn't get out of bed. Maybe it was the anticipation or the fear for what is coming next.
more to come...
Thursday was a day of waiting. Would I hear from the court? Would the temporary restraining order be granted? Or would the judge refuse my request?
Thursday evening was couples therapy. I had agreed a week and half ago to go to couples counseling and I could not back out now. It would look too suspicious. So I had to attend the session.
It was tortuous. Tracy spent the hour speaking aggressively about how she was wronged, She listed all the things I had done to her. The therapist kept trying to interrupt, I signaled to let her talk. Let her get it out. If I got the restraining order, this would be her one chance to get it all out. She went on and on for 45 minutes. Then the therapist asked what I thought about what she said. I said I already told her it was over and I didn't want to work on it if she was unwilling to get medical attention and stop yelling at me. Tracy said she didn't need medical attention and she was not yelling. She was passionate. I said then there was nothing to talk about it, it was over. Maybe some day we could be friends but not now.
Tracy left separately from me in a huff. I got home and the tension was worse than ever. She kept saying why did you go if you never intended to work on our relationship. I said I am ready to work on our relationship just not on the type of relationship that you want.
Friday was a day of waiting again. Finally at 4pm I got the text. The judge approved the temporary restraining order. Yay! There was one glitch. The city website was done and my attorney could not print out the papers. Without the papers my attorney could not have them served. If the papers could not be served on Friday afternoon, I would have to live with her another weekend. My attorney apologized but I said, what is another weekend at this point?
I spent most of the weekend to myself. I binge watched a whole season of a show. I was not feeling well on Sunday so I didn't go food shopping and basically didn't get out of bed. Maybe it was the anticipation or the fear for what is coming next.
more to come...
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
FILING FOR A TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER
On Memorial Day I sent my deposition to my attorney.Since it was a holiday, not much was going on. Tuesday came and the attorney reviewed the documents. She tweaked them and put them in the format for the courts and sent them back to me. Imagine getting documents sent to you that you have to print, review, sign and scan back without the paranoid person you live with finding out. I could have been a spy the way I hid the documents, sent the emails, took the phone calls and texts, scanned documents and sent them without raising an eyebrow.
Tuesday night I told Tracy I was taking the dogs to the dog sitter for the day on Wednesday because I was going to be a clients all day. Tracy hit the roof. She was furious that I was taking the dogs to a dog sitter when she walks the neighbors dogs. If you remember we got into an argument because Tracy told me the dogs were my responsibility. I told her that if the dogs were my responsibility because I own them, then I need to take responsibility and make sure they are cared for for the day. She didn't let it rest all night. Ranting and raving that I hated her because I was taking the dogs away from her.
Wednesday morning when I was putting the leashes on the dogs Tracy came upstairs to scream at me about how mean I was and she told me "you may not see your bird when you come home." I immediately put the dogs in the car and drove around the corner. I called my attorney and told her about the threat. My attorney immediately put the threat in the court papers and sent them over to me to view. I approved and she couriered them over to the court. I was filing to get a temporary restraining order. Soon Tracy would be out of my home, if the judge agreed. Now the waiting happened.
more to come...
Tuesday night I told Tracy I was taking the dogs to the dog sitter for the day on Wednesday because I was going to be a clients all day. Tracy hit the roof. She was furious that I was taking the dogs to a dog sitter when she walks the neighbors dogs. If you remember we got into an argument because Tracy told me the dogs were my responsibility. I told her that if the dogs were my responsibility because I own them, then I need to take responsibility and make sure they are cared for for the day. She didn't let it rest all night. Ranting and raving that I hated her because I was taking the dogs away from her.
Wednesday morning when I was putting the leashes on the dogs Tracy came upstairs to scream at me about how mean I was and she told me "you may not see your bird when you come home." I immediately put the dogs in the car and drove around the corner. I called my attorney and told her about the threat. My attorney immediately put the threat in the court papers and sent them over to me to view. I approved and she couriered them over to the court. I was filing to get a temporary restraining order. Soon Tracy would be out of my home, if the judge agreed. Now the waiting happened.
more to come...
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