FIRST DAYS OF PEACE

The locksmith showed up and spent hours changing the locks.  I wanted all the outside door locks changed, as well as, two internal doors.  I wanted to add locks to two internal doors for safety reasons.

The next morning I went over to pick up Woodstock from the bird store.  Now the house was full.  Everyone was home.  Then I started cleaning.  I washed all the sheets, towels, blankets.  I dusted and cleaned and I moved back into the master bedroom.  I had moved out of the master bedroom when I came back from my vacation.

I still had my stuff in my go-bag.  I was not ready to unpack that bag.  In fact it took me weeks to unpack that bag.  I was still on edge and could not unpack that bag.

Each day I began doing one thing.  Cleaning something or fixing something or unpacking something.  I had a lot of cleaning to do.  The house fell in to disarray during the last few months and I now have a lot of things to take care of.  The list is long and exhausting.  The backyard is a jungle.  There is dust and dog hair everywhere.  The bathrooms need to be cleaned.  The cable needs to be fixed.  My car windshield needs to be replaced.  The floors need to be mopped.  It goes on and on.

Little by little I start chipping away at the list.

First I have to enjoy the peace and help my pups relax and get their puppy peace back.

more to come...

IMPOSSIBLE LIVING SITUATION

For the next few months things with our relationship went downhill.  Tracy began obsessively cleaning.  She would get up at 5 am and start cleaning.  But only cleaning certain things.  She cleaned the kitchen and swept the floors.  Every day.

Then she started de-cluttering. I would come home from work and things would be missing.  One day a plant would be gone.  I found it in the compost bin.  She decided it needed to go.  Another day the wine rack was gone.  Not sure what happened to the wine but the rack and the wine were gone.  It sort of became a game each day when I came home, what is gone today?  I tried to talk to her about it but she became incensed that I questioned her decisions.  After the first time, I just let it go.  Whatever she got rid of, I can replace.  My friends were upset that I was letting her throw my things away but it was not worth the argument.

To help Lulu the dog with her behavior problems I got a baby pen.  It was a 3'x3' pen that went in the living room.  Tracy was furious that I bought it and that it was "cluttering" up the house.  She flew into a rage about how it was cluttering up the house.  She was screaming and crying that the clutter was making her anxious.  This behavior went on for weeks.  She complained about that dog pen every day, many times a day.  Crying, screaming, yelling.

If I left anything where she didn't want it, I heard it obsessively.  If I left the toaster open after toasting a muffin, she would come in the kitchen and yell that I was so selfish that I would leave the toaster open and now she needed to make her breakfast and the toaster was open.  It would not be just one outburst but a continuous rant about how I was so irresponsible and selfish.

If I left a crumb on the counter, I never heard the end of it.  How could she make her meal with this mess on the counter?  There is no place for her to make her meal with all the mess on the counter.  I would never do this in anyone else's house, why would I do this in our house?  Over and over again for 30-60 minutes.

If she called m cell and I didn't answer, she would say she was not as important as my clients.  I always picked up the phone for my clients.  Why didn't I think she was as important as other people?  She would go on and on about how I didn't answer the phone and leave repeated voicemails about how I didn't answer the phone.  Her original call was about something like: was I going to be home to feed the dogs or guess what was on TV or we got the People magazine in the mail.   Nothing important or Earth shattering.

It was becoming an impossible living and working situation.  Something had to change.

more to come...