INSPECTOR FROM SVU

Today I get a phone call from an inspector from the SVU department.  She tells me that I have two choices a) do nothing and the report goes to the court and the judge sees it and b) I go down to SVU and the DA and make another report.  The DA then makes a determination if he wants to arrest her.  I told the inspector I wanted to wait until after Tracy picks up her stuff on Friday.  The inspector says if Tracy comes to the house and picks up her stuff, even if I am not there, I will be putting the restraining order in jeopardy.

I got all upset.  But it states in the restraining order that she is supposed to come and pick up her stuff.  I called my attorney, some friends.  I was a bloody mess.  Crying every where and for no reason.

Then I get a phone call from a Domestic Violence Advocate.  Out of the blue.  Well, not out of the blue, I guess the SVU Inspector gave her my number.  Funny that five months after I got my original TRO I finally get a call from a domestic violence advocate.  Of course I balled on the phone to her too.  I said I was a mess this week.  I swear if there was a Hallmark ad on TV I would have cried at that too.

more to come...

FALLOUT FROM THE PHONE CALL

After Tracy called I called my attorney.  She said to call the police and make a report.  Then my step mother called and said yet again Tracy called her to ask her to call me.  These are both against the restraining order rules.  It was clear I would have to report this to the police.

On my way to work, I called and sat on hold for 20 minutes.  I gave up.  Later on I called again and got through.  The lady told me I needed to go into the precinct to make a report.  On my way home I dropped by the precinct.  They told me it would take hours to have an officer free to take a report.  They said it would be better for me to go home and have an officer come to my house.  I went home and called to have an officer come to my home to make a report.  I called at 6-6:30 pm.  At 2:30 am my doorbell rang.  It was the officers coming by to take the report.  I was in my PJs.

They listened to the recording (I forgot to say that Tracy left a voicemail on my machine before I picked up the phone) and listened to my story and dates and times of the phone calls.  They told me this report would go to the DA and the court.  Then they left.

more to come...

SHE CALLED

I came home from walking the dogs and the phone was ringing.  I picked it up and looked at the caller ID.  It was a neighbor's phone number.  I answered and it was Tracy on the phone. I was so shocked because a) the caller ID said a neighbor's name and b) she isn't supposed to be calling me because of the restraining order.  I informed her that she is in violation of the restraining order and she said she knew but she needed to tell me something.  She thought me attorney was not telling me everything.

See, Tracy was supposed to confirm that she was going to pick up her boxes on Friday by Tuesday.  This was now Thursday and the move had been called off.  For her to be able to pick up her stuff there are a lot of moving pieces that had to come together.  That was why there was a deadline. Now she wanted me to put the moving pieces back together in 24 hours.  I was inclined to do it just to get her junk out of my home.

I could not pull it together.  So we rescheduled for next Friday.

more to come...

MY FAMILY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

I am angry.  I can't seem to get over how angry I am.  I don't have a victim attitude.  My friends and my therapist say it so I know I am not just kidding myself.  But I am the victim in this situation.  I was the one who was yelled at and terrorized.  I was the one who lived in fear.  I was the one who had to go to court to get a restraining order.  I was the one who listened to Tracy threaten the life of my bird.  I was the one who watched my 10 pound dog attack Tracy to protect me.  I am the victim in this situation.

I know Tracy has some sort of mental illness or something.  I know that.  I feel for her.  I gave her every opportunity to get help.  I know it is part of the illness to not want help.  I know people should feel sorry for her because now she is homeless.  I get it.

But in someways Tracy put herself in this situation.  Over the years she never saved barely a penny.  The few times she did save any significant amount she always tapped into it and spent it on something.  Usually beer and weed.  I find it hard to feel sorry for someone who didn't work, lived off me and spent any money she got (made or was given) on beer and weed.  Meanwhile I paid for her health insurance, dental work, and kept her in a house with cable, Netflix, and food.  A very comfortable lifestyle.  I also took her on trips.

I am angry because some folks in my family are feeling bad for Tracy.  They feel like Tracy is a victim.  Like oh poor Tracy.  Screw that!  Oh poor Campbell!  That is how it should be.  I am the victim in this situation.

If I hear one more person in my family say they feel bad for Tracy, I may crack.  She still has not picked up her crap and is insisting she wants more items from the house.  The 85 boxes of crap just isn't enough for her.  Now she wants lamps and furniture.  If she is homeless where is she going to put furniture?  I know she is not well but it is so hard to deal with when I want to move on with my life.  And I have family members telling me "oh poor Tracy".  Easy for them to say when they don't have to live with 85 boxes in their house that they have to see every day.

I just want my family to admit that I was the victim in this situation.  Not that I want to be a victim.  I just want to hear them say Campbell you were a victim of a domestic violence situation.  That is all.

more to come...

IT IS NEVER GOING TO END

Tracy has finally contacted my attorney. After all these weeks.  Almost two months to the day from the day I got the restraining order.  Her stuff, her 85 boxes should have been gone a month ago.  Now she is finally able to get the email that has the inventory.  The first thing she says is it is missing things.  Good gosh.  85 boxes of stuff and she wants more.  MORE!  She wants two lamps.  She wants some "wedding presents".  I don't know what that means.  We didn't really get married but we had a ceremony to make a point and people gave us presents.  I guess she wants some of them.  She told me that she wanted a certain vase so she could throw it in the street.  Nice.

She also wanted to make sure a certain video tape got destroyed.  I already took care of that.  I took it to a company that destroys those types of things right in front of you.  I got a certified letter that it was destroyed.

I just feel like this is never going to end.  It is never going to end.  She is making this so difficult. It is just going to drag on forever.  I am going to have to live with 85 boxes in my home.  My garage is full of boxes and my dining room has boxes in a corner.  I am just over it.

more to come...

SLEEP

I wish I could sleep.  There are three scenarios.

1. I go to bed at a reasonable hour.  I am not very tired.  I get into bed and type my blog or read a magazine while I watch TV.  Then it is 11:30 and the dogs need to go out back.  I let them out and brush my teeth, take my medicine and pee.  I get into bed and watch TV.  Next thing I know it is 1:30 am.  The TV is on and I have to pee.  I get up, pee and set the TV timer.  I roll over and try to go back to sleep.

2. At 3 pm I am so exhausted I fall asleep working.  I literally can't keep my eyes open.  I nap for 20 - 30 minutes.  At 11 pm I go to bed, let the dogs out, get into bed, now I am not tired.  I am awake watching TV until 1:30 am.

3. I feel tired so I go down to watch TV in bed at 8 pm.  By 9 pm I am sound asleep in my clothes.  I wake up at 11 pm.  Now I am wide awake.

Then there is the insomnia.  Sometimes I wake up because I have to pee.  Sometimes it is because the dog wakes up and makes some noise (like last night Lulu started barking for no reason I could fathom).  Or my new problem, the nightmares.

I keep having nightmares that Tracy is standing by my bed or is in the room.  I wake up sweating and scared out of my mind.  I know it can't happen since I have an alarm system and two crazy barky dogs but I can't seem to make my unconscious understand this.  The nightmares are so scary and give me panic attacks.  I can't get back to sleep.

I have been told that I should breathe and tell myself that it was just a dream and that it can't possibly be true or come true.

I usually open my book and read until I fall asleep.  Thinking about something else is helpful for me.
I just need to figure out this sleeping thing.  I feel like I haven't slept in months.  When Tracy lived here I didn't sleep because she was always awake and yelling and talking.  Now I have peace and I still can't sleep because my unconscious won't let me sleep.  Crazy thing, huh?!

more to come...

NEED TO GET RID OF TRACYS STUFF

For weeks I have been trying to figure out how to get rid of Tracy's stuff.  All 80 boxes.  It has become quite complicated.  Tracy has no address, I guess she is homeless and couch surfing.  I am unable to send her a certified letter.  She has told my attorney her email is messed up or she lost her iPad or something so my attorney can not send her an email.  Since there is no way to send her correspondence, there is no way to tell her to get her stuff out of the house.  She had a deadline but she left a message for my attorney stating she could not make the deadline and could she have a few more weeks.

Now I am stuck with her stuff.  I have been trying to figure out how to find out where she hangs out or where she is working or living so I can serve her with papers.  If I can't find out an address for her, I will have to go back to court and have the judge make a ruling.  This will take a long time.   I called the private investigator to see if he can help but without an address, there is nothing he can do.

I am stuck in limbo until I get an address or go to court.  I just want to get rid of her stuff out of my house.  I am tired of looking at it and thinking about it.

more to come...