TRAINING

On Saturday I attend mediation training that I signed up for months ago.  I wanted to back out but I decided I would go and see how it was.  There were 12 attendees of a diverse group.  It was a two weekend all day training and this was the first weekend.

The first day I was a mess.  Any time anyone raised their voice or talked about anything to do with violence or yelling, I would have a panic attack and run from the room.  Only I didn't know it was a panic attack at first.  I just thought I was losing my mind.  I shared my story about my domestic violence situation with the trainers and they were very understanding.  They wanted me to stay and told me I was in a safe place.  At the end of the first day, I was walking home from the bus and saw Tracy on the street.  This upset me so much.  I don't think she saw me and I ran across traffic to catch a cab home.  I realized then that my cellphone was dead.  At that point I made a point to never let my cellphone get low again.  I would not have been able to call the police if she saw me and began yelling at me.

The second day I almost left about 1/4 of the way through.  Then I decided to tell the group what was going on.  I figured they must have been wondering why I was acting so weird so I might as well tell them.  I just said I had gone through a domestic violence situation with my now ex-partner and she was served papers a few days ago so it is rather raw.  The group gathered around me and each person hugged me.  From that point on each person checked in on me for the rest of the time we were together.  I felt incredibly supported and safe.

more to come...