I AM NOT GOING TO HURT YOUR DAUGHTER

By this point I knew I was in need of help.

Tracy called my mother out of the blue to tell my mother that "I am not going to hurt your daughter."  This freaked my mother out since I had not told my mother that anything has been going on.  My mother called me scared for my life.  Tracy then called my father at midnight one night to ask him a question.  She was out of control.

I contacted the attorney my Palm Springs friend told me to. We spoke many times about if I was doing the right thing.  If I could go through with it.  If I had a strong enough case.  What I needed to do.  How to keep safe. She sent me the papers I needed to file for a temporary restraining order.  It was now on me to fill out the papers.

A vendor came by to fix something and he was completely shocked.  He helped us about 10 years ago and he could not believe the change in Tracy.  He asked me what was wrong with Tracy.  I had warned him before he entered the house that Tracy was being difficult.  Boy was she!  She stood back and glared at him the whole visit.  When I tried to introduce him to her, she said "I am not the one you need to be interested in."  When the vendor was done, we went outside and he told me he was shocked by the change in Tracy.  He said he worked as an EMT for many years and he can see she has some mental issues that she is not dealing with.  He spoke with me a long time and tried to convince me that I need to leave before Tracy becomes violent.  He said he saw many cases like this when he was an EMT and they never end well.  His advise: Get Out.

He also told me about a support group that his wife went to.  That support group didn't seem what I needed but it sparked an idea in my head.  I started looking up support groups for gay partners with mental illness.  I found a meeting but it was too many days away.  I found another meeting with NAMI that was for partners/family members of people with mental illness.  I took the bus to the meeting and met some very nice people.  So many of them had situations where their loved one hurt them physically.  Or they had to put them out of the house.  Most were parents with children.  There was only one other couple and she was almost done with her husband.  He had depression and kept going off his medicine without telling her.

The whole group was supportive.  The group supported my decision to get Tracy out of the house before she hurt me.  It is not her, it is the disease.  They wanted me to come back but since Tracy is gone, I don't see the point.It was the most support I had felt in a long time.  My friend Viola is wonderful but I felt like I was wearing her out.

I spent the long Memorial Day weekend finalizing my deposition for the restraining order.  I got the dog walker to send a deposition of when she came to pick up the dogs and Tracy was aggressive. She said "who is that?  What is she doing here?" in a really aggressive tone.   The dog walker was scared to leave me alone with her.

My mother sent in her deposition stating how scared she was when she got the phone call.

I kept adding to my deposition as Tracy kept getting more out of control.

more to come...