SLEEP

I wish I could sleep.  There are three scenarios.

1. I go to bed at a reasonable hour.  I am not very tired.  I get into bed and type my blog or read a magazine while I watch TV.  Then it is 11:30 and the dogs need to go out back.  I let them out and brush my teeth, take my medicine and pee.  I get into bed and watch TV.  Next thing I know it is 1:30 am.  The TV is on and I have to pee.  I get up, pee and set the TV timer.  I roll over and try to go back to sleep.

2. At 3 pm I am so exhausted I fall asleep working.  I literally can't keep my eyes open.  I nap for 20 - 30 minutes.  At 11 pm I go to bed, let the dogs out, get into bed, now I am not tired.  I am awake watching TV until 1:30 am.

3. I feel tired so I go down to watch TV in bed at 8 pm.  By 9 pm I am sound asleep in my clothes.  I wake up at 11 pm.  Now I am wide awake.

Then there is the insomnia.  Sometimes I wake up because I have to pee.  Sometimes it is because the dog wakes up and makes some noise (like last night Lulu started barking for no reason I could fathom).  Or my new problem, the nightmares.

I keep having nightmares that Tracy is standing by my bed or is in the room.  I wake up sweating and scared out of my mind.  I know it can't happen since I have an alarm system and two crazy barky dogs but I can't seem to make my unconscious understand this.  The nightmares are so scary and give me panic attacks.  I can't get back to sleep.

I have been told that I should breathe and tell myself that it was just a dream and that it can't possibly be true or come true.

I usually open my book and read until I fall asleep.  Thinking about something else is helpful for me.
I just need to figure out this sleeping thing.  I feel like I haven't slept in months.  When Tracy lived here I didn't sleep because she was always awake and yelling and talking.  Now I have peace and I still can't sleep because my unconscious won't let me sleep.  Crazy thing, huh?!

more to come...