MY FAMILY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

I am angry.  I can't seem to get over how angry I am.  I don't have a victim attitude.  My friends and my therapist say it so I know I am not just kidding myself.  But I am the victim in this situation.  I was the one who was yelled at and terrorized.  I was the one who lived in fear.  I was the one who had to go to court to get a restraining order.  I was the one who listened to Tracy threaten the life of my bird.  I was the one who watched my 10 pound dog attack Tracy to protect me.  I am the victim in this situation.

I know Tracy has some sort of mental illness or something.  I know that.  I feel for her.  I gave her every opportunity to get help.  I know it is part of the illness to not want help.  I know people should feel sorry for her because now she is homeless.  I get it.

But in someways Tracy put herself in this situation.  Over the years she never saved barely a penny.  The few times she did save any significant amount she always tapped into it and spent it on something.  Usually beer and weed.  I find it hard to feel sorry for someone who didn't work, lived off me and spent any money she got (made or was given) on beer and weed.  Meanwhile I paid for her health insurance, dental work, and kept her in a house with cable, Netflix, and food.  A very comfortable lifestyle.  I also took her on trips.

I am angry because some folks in my family are feeling bad for Tracy.  They feel like Tracy is a victim.  Like oh poor Tracy.  Screw that!  Oh poor Campbell!  That is how it should be.  I am the victim in this situation.

If I hear one more person in my family say they feel bad for Tracy, I may crack.  She still has not picked up her crap and is insisting she wants more items from the house.  The 85 boxes of crap just isn't enough for her.  Now she wants lamps and furniture.  If she is homeless where is she going to put furniture?  I know she is not well but it is so hard to deal with when I want to move on with my life.  And I have family members telling me "oh poor Tracy".  Easy for them to say when they don't have to live with 85 boxes in their house that they have to see every day.

I just want my family to admit that I was the victim in this situation.  Not that I want to be a victim.  I just want to hear them say Campbell you were a victim of a domestic violence situation.  That is all.

more to come...